pub fare, take one

Exactly two weeks ago was Mister's and my 4th wedding anniversary.  It was also one of the nights I worked until close (9pm) so we just ate leftovers and sniffed pretty roses and gave each other some kisses.  We actually had our anniversary dinner the following night.  In the absence of our dear departed (and ardently missed!) Horizons, the only place in center city Philadelphia (or anywhere within decent driving distance to my knowledge) for vegan fine dining, we made some calls, reviewed some restaurants' menus online, and eventually settled on this plan: we'd start at Front and South Streets and just walk until we found somewhere we wanted to eat.

I hate South Street.  This was Mister's brilliant idea, because he seemed to think we had heard of a bunch of restaurants about to open on South Street.  I think we might have been thinking ahead on that one because what was on South Street was a lot of recently closed restaurants, as the Street continues its slow decline.  Regardless, we started our menu-gazing at Downey's, an Irish bar & restaurant.  We ultimately decided it probably wasn't the best bet for a "quiet" romantic anniversary dinner, so we kept going, but not before Mister whined a little about why no one has yet undertaken to veganize Irish/UK pub food and mourned that he hasn't had Bangers and Mash in about 9 years.

So, for my mister, tonight I made Savoury Shepherd's Pie from How It All Vegan.

First, I took my time slow-sauteing carrots, celery, tomato, and some garlic standing in for onion, then added in the lentils.  The recipe calls for 1/2 cup of mashed lentils, but that's no fun, so I cooked 1/2 cup of French de puy lentils and didn't bother mashing them.  It came out just right, and far more attractive than it would have been (and has been) with mashed Goya lentils.

In my pretty Martha Stewart Blue bowl, I mashed together 3 Yukon Gold potatoes with a generous tablespoon of Earth Balance, a quarter-cup of Earth Balance soymilk (we're all about product placement tonight, folks!), and a generous sprinkling of salt.  It is such a simple recipe, yet it's one of the tastiest recipes I have for mashed potatoes.

While the pie went into the oven, I opened my Happy Weekend bottle of 2009 Beaujolais-Villages because I'm ramping up for next Thursday, which is the third Thursday of November.  To celebrate the introduction of this year's Beaujolais Nouveau, there will be a street festival right outside where I work next Thursday, complete with complimentary tastings, sales at the retail establishments, and two things that I feel utterly compelled to try: Beaujolais jell-o shots because I cannot figure out how that works, and Beaujolais lip balm, because that's freaking awesome.

Once I had smoothed on a thick coating of mashed potatoes to top the pie, I was a little disappointed in how bland it looked, so I sprinkled some Mediterranean Sea Salt blend on that puppy and it was absolutely the right choice.  It added just a little....je ne sais quoi (someone take my French away!)

Stay tuned for tomorrow's menu, which should include at least one other attempt at making Mister some pub fare and other recent requests.  We might end up with A Menu For Mister, part two...

and now for the bonus round

So, last night Blogger was being mean (or it might possibly have been Comcast, who apparently felt like last night was a good time to mess up our whole connection) and I couldn't post pictures of dinner or Angst or rice wrapped in grape leaves.  Every Wednesday morning at work, we have a sales meeting where we each share one thing we learned this past week.  You know what I learned this week?

I suck at telling unillustrated stories.

You want me to rant about the squandering of our planet's resources?  Provide an in-depth discourse about why I don't eat honey?  Shame the fast food industry for profiting off of our fast-forward culture and increasing the chances of your average American growing obese?  Shall I regal you with stories of how people have committed petty crimes to violate their parole so they can return to prison just so they don't have to decide between 7 different kinds of bread?  Or how pasta can feed an army of undernourished poor for pennies a serving?

I can do all of that without a single picture (though they make it more fun, you must admit), but tell you a story about pasta with broccoli and new concentrated liquid bouillon and a fuzzy fan?  Nope, can't do it without pictures.  I use the photos as a kind of outline - they remind me where the story is going next.  Without them, I totally lose my train of thought and the entire post derails in mere paragraphs.

So, I've fixed last night's post - feel free to check it out.

Tonight, I made Moroccan Chickpeas and Zucchini from Appetite for Reduction.

In lieu of the prescribed [gross] onion, I sliced up the other half of the huge shallot Mister picked out on our team trip to Whole Foods last week.  In other news, I'm super proud of him for only picking up three things that weren't on the list I gave him for his Superfresh run today.

I was also a bit generous with the "pinch" of cinnamon to be added to the mix.  It came out perfectly, actually, but when I first did it and all I could smell was cinnamon (above 5 cloves of garlic, 1 Tbsp grated ginger, a sliced shallot, cumin, and coriander!), I panicked a little.  See, when the recipe says to add a pinch of something powdery (like cinnamon), I just flip up the top of the spice jar and shake some in - no need to actually "pinch" it with my fingers - you'll never get that off.  Regardless, sometimes I forget how eager cinnamon can be to escape the little plastic jar in which it lives as well as what a pungent little spice it is - a little dab'll do ya, as they say.

Angst was so excited about dinner tonight that I had to put him in the bathroom.  He's getting very vocal in his old age and there comes a point where Mister and I just can't listen to him squeaking while we're talking.  Once we'd finished, I retrieved him and gave him plenty of love.  Fortunately, he likes the bathroom, so he probably just fell asleep and forgot he was stuck...

Or maybe he'll just hate me until I give him breakfast in the morning when he's had a long lonely night to remember how much he loves me and misses me when I'm gone.

pasta's hungry work

Sometimes I think Mister is just a little bit looney.  Tonight was absolutely one of those nights.  I made Pasta Con Broccoli from Appetite for Reduction because I knew it would make Mister happy (and also because I had planned to make it last night, but we'll get to that in a moment).

After scarfing down two bowls full of linguini and plenty of broccoli (as well as plenty of garlic - I have the world's stinkiest breath right now, thanks to that and the nasty little chunks of diced red onion that were hiding in the lentils of my salad this afternoon), Mister said he was hungry.  I thought, "Surely, I misheard!" So I asked him if he said he was still hungry.  To my surprise, he responded by nodding vehemently and then sticking out his lower lip in a pout.

My husband is the only human being on the planet who can eat two bowls of linguini and be hungry afterwards.  If I'm wrong, please tell me.

So, about 15 minutes after dinner, Mister put on shoes and his coat and went out to find a sandwich.  Seriously.  He came back a little while later, happily stuffed with a Wawa sammich and a stale donut.

Sometimes, I just don't get him.

Anyway, on my way home from work last night, I stopped at Superfresh because I didn't realize how little bouillon I had until I used it all up making the Vegetable Lentil Stew the other night.  I was hoping to pick up a can or quart of veggie broth even though Superfresh doesn't believe in it but something new caught my eye instead:

Mister thinks that image is completely unappetizing, but I think it's kind of cool that they have concentrated liquid broth base in little individual squeeze-packs.  That's how it ended up in my home.

Each of the little squeeze-packs, when combined with water, make one cup of broth, which is actually kind of perfect, considering the number of times I've had to cut a bouillon cube in half because I only needed to make one cup of broth.  Nevertheless, these will not be a standard issue in our home for two reasons: first, though I'll admit I haven't checked the nutritional info on Rapunzel bouillon in a while, it seems a little excessive for each packet to provide 770mg sodium.  That is a solid third of the RDA and it only makes 1 cup.  God forbid I use two packets...  The second reason is purely economical and ecological - they are way more expensive than premade broth or Rapunzel bouillon cubes and result in a lot more material waste.

I guess it smelled pretty good, though, as part of the Broccoli Con Pasta, because Angst bugged Mister for a sniff/taste the moment we sat down to eat.

Could you resist those imploring eyes?  That sad, hungry little face??

Yeah, neither could Mister.

Fortunately, once it was down at eye-level, Angst remembered he doesn't like pasta and resorted to staring me down to see if I had something different to eat.  I gave him a small piece of pasta and after he licked it, he left it on the floor for me to pick up after dinner.  What a sweetheart.

If I could go back a night, though, even after I made a special trip to Superfresh specifically to get the broth so I could make Pasta Con Broccoli, upon returning home, I stood in my kitchen, my apron half tied, thinking.  Realizing that I absolutely could not muster the desire to make and eat that dinner, primarily because I'd gotten a completely different cuisine stuck on my tastebuds, I called out to Mister, "Hey, do you want to go to Cedar's for dinner?"

Yes, he did.

big mess in my kitchen

Things I have accomplished since dinner:

• Cleared the table
• ate some Halloween candy from my parents (my mom put a note in the bag that says "Better your home than ours," but I see there are only a few surviving Hershey's Special Dark chocolate bars and I don't think the kids took them - I'm on to your tricks, lady!)
• engaged in a fun Facebook message session
• trolled YouTube for a clip from the movie, "Anastasia," then posted said clip on Facebook (go, social media!)
• pestered Mister

Things I haven't accomplished since dinner: cleaning up.  In fact, my kitchen is such a phenomenal mess right now that I think I might actually bake cookies or cupcakes or something, just to see if I actually can dirty every dish in the house.

It's probably not as bad as I think, but compared to the super-simple clean-up from last night's dinner, a stove and counter and sink covered in dishes is a little daunting.  This is what happens when I make blender sauces.  More accurately, this is what happens when I make a blended sauce that could totally fit in my smaller food processor attachment to my immersion blender, so I start piling everything in there only to remember that I have to blend for 5 minutes and realizing that I have no desire to push the button that makes the blades spin for 5 minutes.  So, having dirtied the little food processor, I dump everything into the grown-up food processor and proceed with the excessive blending.  Which makes a huge mess.

Meanwhile, I'm chopping and roasting cauliflower while rinsing the chickpeas (and contemplating the effort required to pinch them out of their little skins) and cooking the bulgur, then scraping the sides of the food processor (with yet another spatula) and trying not to drip the sauce that collected on the lid onto the counter (and failing).  Nevertheless, it all came together beautifully for our Mediterranean Bowls from Appetite for Reduction.

By way of a short aside, last week I did a favor for a colleague who then did her best to show her appreciation by gushing all over me and then buying me Starbucks.  She asked what I wanted when she was going out to get it and I told her, "A hazelnut americano would make my heart sing," which she thought was very funny.  I tell you this because roasted cauliflower makes Mister's heart sing.

I cut it into small florets, then doused it with olive oil and tossed it with some kosher salt and the Mediterranean herb blend I picked up in California:

No joke, the cauliflower had been roasting about 15 minutes and I was getting ready to add the chickpeas while gathering all of the ingredients for Isa's Caesar Chavez dressing, also from Appetite for Reduction, when Mister followed his nose into the kitchen and asked what he smelled.  I told him it was roasted cauliflower (even though it was still in the act of roasting) and he asked when he could eat it and if now would be a good time.  I explained he would have to wait 5-10 more minutes and after one more try, he went back to his computer to wait like a good boy.

After all my kitchen gymnastics, here was the result: Caesar Chavez dressing, clearly meant to replace fattening, anchovyful Caesar dressing.  While I don't think you could mistake this for "the real thing," it has a delightful tang and very strong flavor, most likely attributed to the shallots that haunt my breath even now.  In fact, I'm going to blame my inexcusably excessive candy consumption on that - I'm just trying to get rid of the taste and my breath mints are allllll the way over there in my purse.

The finished product went over much better than the last time Mister had something specifically titled Bowl, and merely mentioning "that outdoor restaurant" threw Mister into a memorymare and he proceeded to once again voice his complete displeasure with the Gyro Bowl he got.  I think he's being a little over-dramatic, but then again, I loved my Hollywood Bowl.

But again, how could I not?  I'm a rockstar ;)

When I'm not being a rockstar, though, I'm the kitchen help... better get on that pile of mess...

mister loves pasta

In case I haven't made it clear in the past, Mister loves pasta a whole heck of a lot.  He loves pasta so much that sometimes he even lets me serve him noodles made of all kinds of weird stuff, like buckwheat soba and rice noodles.  As such, I'm rewarding him with his patience for my recent soup spree with a week that is almost 50% noodles of some sort.  In fact, tonight we kicked off the new menu with dinner #1: Pasta E Fagioli from Veganomicon.

I made it with fun and sturdy Rotelle, but aside from that and the incredibly strong flavor of garlic, nothing was any more outstanding about this dish than normal.  And when I say "normal" what I mean is "indescribably good," which is why I won't try.  Just get the book and make it yourself (but increase the garlic to 8-9 cloves, if you dare...)

Every once in a while I serve "weird" noodles, like whole wheat spaghetti, and Mister isn't quite as thrilled.  I'm looking forward to seeing what he does with the soba noodles later in the week.  Fortunately, he's joined me in my love of these weird little rice noodles, which makes recipe creation a little easier.

Five-Spice Seitan and Noodles
4 servings

Ingredients:
12 oz seitan (in broth)
8 oz rice noodles, prepared according to package directions
green bell pepper, thinly sliced
1 cup julienned carrots (about 1 large carrot or 2 smaller ones)
4 cloves of garlic, pressed/minced
2 Tbsp peanut oil
1 tsp Five-Spice powder
3 Tbsp tamari/soy sauce
2 tsp miso (I used white, but you can use whatever you have), dissolved in 1/3 cup warm water
1/2 tsp toasted sesame oil


Heat peanut oil in a saute pan or wok on medium heat.  Add garlic, pepper slices, and carrots.  Cook, stirring occasionally for 3-5 minutes, then add seitan and mix.  Cook for 5 more minutes, then sprinkle on the Five Spice powder and tamari.  Mix well and lower heat to medium low.

Drain noodles and add to the pot with the miso-water mixture and sesame oil.  Cook, stirring frequently, for about three more minutes, until almost all the liquid is absorbed.

cold and sleeping beauty

It almost seems inevitable that I would take a few days off after MoFo.  I love MoFo, but there is something about "obligatory" blogging that wears me out a bit.  Obviously, I chose the obligation, and there weren't really any rules about blogging every single day, but when there's such a good chance new eyes will find your posts, you don't really want to skip a night.  So anyway, sorry about all that.  I'm back!

Fortunately, some fun and exciting things (as well as self-deprecating moments of wallowing in near existential crisis) have been happening in my absence.  Why don't we pick up where I left off - Wednesday.

Wednesday, if I recall, became quite cold by the lightless hours.  This only helped me appreciate more the lovely present awaiting me on the kitchen table when I returned home from work that night: my brand new, 3rd of the limited run, Audrey coat from Vaute Couture!  I don't know if I ever mentioned that I ordered it (back in August, which got me the coat at a 45% discount), but I have been anxiously awaiting it, especially as October drew to a close and I began to anticipate and experience the bone-chilling winds of November.

This picture actually shows the Hepburn coat (big difference, I know).  The huge difference between the two is probably about 6 inches.  While the Hepburn is more similar to the coat I replaced - a wool pea-coat that stopped just above my knees - the Audrey travels to mid-calf.  This will result in an increase of warmth I probably can't even fully recognize just yet.

I haven't worn my new coat out yet because it's been quite temperate since it arrived (go figure), but it has some serious lining, so I'm sure it will live up to the claims of being wind-proof.  This was one of the deciding factors - I think the coats are gorgeous, and it's almost a rite of passage for the underground diva in me to own a couture coat, but truly, I'm just tired of shivering through a wool coat in a Philadelphia winter.

I was supposed to attend a Dia de los Muertos party Wednesday night and I spent a decent bit of time preparing for it by daydreaming about the sugar skull make-up I wanted to try for it.  Unfortunately, I forgot I was old until after I'd made, eaten, and cleaned up dinner.  By then it was 10pm, it was cold, and I had grown just enough common sense to recognize that it was too late to safely ride the El to West Philly and back.  I think the only reason Mister did not expressly forbid me to go was that he isn't my father.

Because I am a nice person, to use the words of a new boss, I agreed to work the later shift at work last night so another colleague could work early and attend an event after work last night.  As such, there were no fun dinner stories, aside from Mister and I taking turns heating up leftovers.  We ended up sitting at the table together, though, and discussing Occupy Philly, theology, and race relations until almost midnight.  He drank coffee, I drank champagne, and together we put a small dent in the bag of Halloween candy my father gave me on my way to work.

Today, after sleeping past noon and taking our time waking up, Mister and I were happily ensconced in our Day Off Routine of drinking coffee and playing on the internet when there were two short buzzes from the "doorbell."  Ordinarily, we ignore the doorbell since it's right on the street and sometimes hoodlums walking down the street think it's funny to ring a doorbell as they walk past.  Today, though, I yelled to Mister (who was fully dressed already), "Hurry, it's my present!"

Mister jumped up and ran out the door - Philly mailmen don't leave packages and don't wait more than a few seconds before deciding you aren't there even though they know full well you probably have to unlock two locks, run down two flights of stairs to unlock two more locks and run down the small alley to the street...  Regardless, because my former athlete still has it, he returned a few moments later (albeit a bit winded), smiling and holding a perfect white box with my name on it.

I hope I'm not the only woman who buys herself presents.  Maybe I should start following my dad's lead and saying they're from Santa to me.

"Santa" sent me an early Christmas gift (because I'm a really good girl) - a shipment of e.l.f. cosmetics:

• a palette of 100 shades of eyeshadow
• 12 cosmetic brushes
• eyelid primer (just in case these colors don't have the pigment or staying power to match MAC)
• "porcelain" foundation
• a 4-shade "shimmer" palette
• two eyeliner pencils and a pen (Mister said I should save money and just use a Sharpie - he doesn't realize it costs less than a Sharpie)
• make-up remover wipes (we'll see how they stand up to my Neutrogena wipes)

That was all the provocation I needed to finally get in the shower and start my day - I couldn't wait to paint my face up with all that PETA-approved, cruelty-free makeup.

this is kinda what Heaven looks like to me

I hardly knew where to begin.  Look at all those gorgeous colors!  I watched a couple online makeup tutorials for color inspiration and got to work.  I started with some black, mainly to test the intensity of pigment I was working with and I was absolutely astonished at how dark it went on with only a little dab on my new brush.  Oh, that's another thing - I have been working with the same 3-4 shapes of MAC brushes for the last 10 years (and also, all the make-up I got today costed the same as one blush brush from MAC).  It amazed me what a difference some of these new brushes made.

In the end, I was feeling like a pretty, pretty princess, so I went with a violet-fuschia shade with carbon black in the crease and some silvery-white highlighting just beneath the eyebrows.  I had a bit more trouble than I anticipated filling in my eyebrows, which made me wish I had gone ahead and included the brow pencil in my order.  There's always next time.

You can believe there will be a "next time."  Probably a lot of them.  I'll be honest - I was not expecting the quality I've seen so far.  Do me a favor - head back up to that first shot of all the items I got.  You back?   Good - now, all that stuff?  It was $36.  Last time I went to MAC I spent a little more than twice that amount and came away with 2 eyeshadows, blush, lipstick and liner.  If I had replaced my blush brush like I needed to, I would have taken that total over $100, which is actually all too standard for me.

Totally worth it.  I can barely wait to wake up tomorrow and do it all over again.

You may be thinking, "Um, yeah, so this is great, but what about the food?"  Patience, dearies - here we go!

 

After discovering that it was quite cold and windy outside during our trip to Whole Foods, I couldn't think of a better way to warm our innards than with a big pot of slow-simmer stew.  Good thing the last item left of the menu was Vegetable Lentil Stew from Vegan on the Cheap!

It was every bit as savory as I remembered it and it went well with the rustic, sour Pain de Campagne from Whole Foods I served alongside. 

Wednesday night's dinner was fun and special, but this nonsense has gone on long enough, so you'll have to wait until tomorrow for that.  Let's look at what's coming up this week!

1. Pasta E Fagioli from Veganomicon, AKA My Favorite Pasta e Fagioli recipe so far.

2. Savoury Shepherd's Pie from How It All Vegan, AKA Mister's Favorite Winter Dinner.  It has been far too long since I've made this and Mister was mourning that there are no good vegan imitations of Pub Food when we were looking at a menu at an Irish Pub/Restaurant the other day.  Eventually, this will result in me trying to make a vegan version of Bangers and Mash, because that is what he truly wanted, but when I told him I put this on the menu, he was pretty darn excited.

3. Pasta Con Broccoli from Appetite for Reduction, because apparently I want to use all my cookbooks in this week's menu.  Also, because broccoli is awesome.

4. Moroccan Chickpeas and Zucchini, also from Appetite for Reduction.

5. Mediterranean Bowl from the Construct Your Own Bowl chapter of Appetite for Reduction.  As we know, I love bowls, so it was only a matter of time before I decided to try one of these.  Since they're so simple (not really a structured recipe), I have skipped these and the Sammiches/Wraps section, but we're gonna give it a go (and now you have Lady Marmalade stuck in your head.  You're welcome.).

6. Tanya's Asian Delight from The Garden of Vegan.  I feel sorry for this cookbook.  I never use it.  It looks brand new.  I just can't get into a lot of the recipes these two crazy Canadians come up with in it (really, WHY would you put diced pickles - AKA relish - in Sloppy Joes?  WHY???).  One thing that I find completely charming in that "not gonna serve it to anyone I want to impress" kind of way is how quirky and down-homey the names of most of their recipes are.  

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to get back to YouTube - magical videos of makeup applications and Evanescence/P!nk are calling me.

partners in crime

Once upon a time, long ago and far away, I could burn water if I tried to cook.  My mother tried to explain to me that cooking is as easy as following a recipe, but I couldn't be bothered to read and prepare food simultaneously.  When I moved into my first apartment, I was somewhat skilled at Minute Rice, frozen chicken nuggets, and stovetop mac & cheese (involving packets of impossibly orange "cheese product").  I was also pretty skilled at ordering take-out and delivery.

Oh yeah, ramen noodles - I was a champ with those.

Anyway, when I met Mister, we usually went out for food, occasionally got a pizza after work, and once in a while, he'd cook something up.  Once I got this romantic notion that I would make him dinner.  I set the table with my parents' special china, crystal glasses, and lit some candles, then served the most impressive meal I could make at that time: chicken nuggets, Minute Rice, and Campbell's chunky soup in the Potato Cheese variety.

I look at that "menu" now and understand why Mister didn't let me cook again for at least two more years.  I usually credit two things with me learning how to become the gourmet chef I pretend to be today: losing my job and therefore having all day to prepare dinner, and several great cookbooks gifted to me by my husband's mother, specifically Sundays at Moosewood Restaurant.  Let's put a little timeline together, though:

Summer 2001 - Mister and I share our first kiss, become generally inseparable.
Winter 2002 - Mister becomes a vegetarian, forsaking meat and confusing the heck out of me
Summer 2002 - I join Mister in ceasing animal consumption
October 2002 - move out of my parents' house and into my ghetto apartment.  No takeout worth risking my life for, so I learn to cook...kind of.  General rotation at this point: pasta with red sauce, veggie lo mein, veggie burgers with fries, mixed veggies on rice.  Just mix and repeat.
blahblahblah
June 2006 - get laid off, have tons of time to cook, suddenly grow my gourmet wings.

Do you see that huge gap?  Do you really think we lived on a diet of mixed veggies with rice, pasta and sauce, pizza and veggie burgers for four years?  No, we didn't.  Somewhere in there, Mister taught me some tricks and helped me figure out this crazy cooking thing.

See, I don't work all day and then come home and cook us dinner because Mister can't or is unwilling to.  I come home and cook dinner because I enjoy cooking and it helps me unwind.  Mister has offered many times to make dinner, but he knows I enjoy it.  He does offer his assistance from time to time - especially where mexican/southwestern cuisine is concerned.  I never would have known that you can't eat chili without tortilla chips and that using a fork is a sin but a spoon?  Well, that's straight-up sacrilegious.

Tonight, as I was dicing a pepper for Tofu Rancheros, Mister came sniffing his way into the kitchen to see what was going on (the tasty aroma of the pan-seared tofu drew him in...no, really, it did).  He asked what I was making, I told him.  He asked how exactly that was going to work, so I told him the recipe.  He stood, looking a little perplexed, then said,

"Shouldn't there be refried beans?"
Um....
"I thought that's what made them 'Rancheros,' right?"
Um.... I thought it was the tortilla.
"I don't know..."
Okay, well, do you want there to be refried beans?
thinkthinkthink "Yes."
short staring contest commences, and then,
"So I'll go get them.  Do we need anything else?"

So that's the story of how Mister made my old recipe for Tofu Rancheros a little bit better.

Although, I have to say, letting the congealed mass of mashed beans sluuuurrrp! into my food is never something that makes me drool with anticipation.  When I was younger, we had a poodle and when she got older we had to feed her a special diet which involved phenomenally stinky canned dog food.

I don't want to say that this reminds me of that... but why would I have told you that story if it didn't?

It always works out, though, once the heat has some time to work it into a malleable goop.

So, for your viewing and tasting pleasure, here is a recipe to celebrate World Vegan Day:

Tofu Rancheros
6 servings (or 8 skimpy ones)

Ingredients:
6 small to medium tortillas (I used Whole Foods 365 brand Red Chili tortillas)
14 oz firm or extra firm tofu
cooking spray
3 Tbsp tamari/soy sauce
2 Tbsp oil
1 large red bell pepper, diced
3 cloves of garlic, minced or pressed
14 oz can of petite diced tomatoes, drained with liquid reserved
1 cup finely chopped kale (or green thing of your preference)
a generous tsp of chili powder
a generous tsp of dried cilantro
a scant tsp of kosher salt
1/2 tsp cumin


Coat a square skillet with cooking spray.
Slice tofu through the middle lengthwise, then into 8ths crosswise.  Heat the skillet while the tofu drains on a towel, then lay the tofu on the hot skillet and sprinkle with tamari.  Flip tofu immediately to allow tamari to penetrate both sides of the tofu, and cook on medium-high for about 10 minutes, flipping two or three times (about every 3 minutes), until browned and a little crisp on both sides.  Remove from heat and roughly chop with your spatula.

I'm actually not very good at "roughly."  I prefer perfect triangles, cutting each square piece of tofu from corner to corner and then the other way, too.  But it doesn't have to look this OCD precise.

While the tofu is cooking, heat the oil in a saute pan and saute the peppers and garlic in oil 3-5 minutes over a medium-low flame.  Add drained tomatoes, chili powder, cilantro, salt, and cumin and stir well to combine.  Cook for 5 more minutes, adding reserved tomato juice if the mixture seems to dry out, then add kale and stir to wilt.

Add refried bean and cut up the congealed, can-shaped mass until it can mix in with the other ingredients.  Stir everything together until it is smooth and looks more like food or vomit than a can-shaped, pink cylinder of dog food.

Add tofu and mix well - feel free to break up the tofu a little more with the spoon as you mix.

Cook for a minute or two more, then remove from heat.  Divide mixture among warmed tortillas, then tuck the bottom and roll like a burrito and enjoy!

It must have come out alright - Mister had four.  That might be a record number of servings involving tofu for him.  He was so busy enjoying his "fun dinner" that he didn't notice how much he'd eaten until I pointed it out, which then veered off into a conversation about Del Taco and him ordering the family value meals when he goes there because everything is so cheap and small.